This year I made an attempt to choose another ONE WORD to inspire and guide my actions and reflections throughout the year. Most of my ONE WORDS are a distant memory by the spring, but this year — motivated by my word choice— I thought I’d give it another try. I was also re-inspired by one of my favorite bloggers, Katie Noah Gibson. I have been reading her blog, Cake, Tea and Dreams for years. When she picks her ONE WORD, she looks reflectively at how that word shows up in her life. So this year, I did pick a word, RENEWAL. Starting over (and over and over) is something I’ve become really good at…and I’m finally at peace with that. I am truly a creature of “renewal.” I am fond of saying “No attempt at learning is a failure” so I do persevere at certain things, refusing to acknowledge anything as an “epic fail.”

Taking a cue from Katie, I’ve been using my ONE WORD to reflect on and examine where and how renewal has been “showing up” for me. Coupling that with how unmotivated I have been feeling, I wanted to look, once again, at the idea of renewing some relationship with a “planner.” Why, you might ask, would I want to go there of all places? Well, my faithful readers may have noticed that I have been less than productive about posting here. The times between posts have gotten longer and longer. Could rededicating to faithfully using a planner keep me on track? According to Psychology Today ,using a planner can improve productivity, provide stress relief through organization, help to increase time for creativity, act as a life record, and even improve your health if you keep track of the right things. Sounds like a veritable ticket to renewal.

I do have an enticing assortment of planners to choose from. There are ones with dates, dot grids, cool layouts, and all of them with beautiful covers. Right next to them in my desk-side rolling cart are containers of colorful pens with every kind of nib, boxes of stickers, and tins of washi tape. But there are also stockpiles of them I’m less proud of. My stationary drawers and bookcases are littered with blank or barely-used planners tucked among the note paper and cards. There are also empty planners wedged between books where I don’t have to look at them “tsk tsking” me from their blank or barely adorned pages: July 22…um nothing. March 10? A lone sticker. Last year I purchased a gorgeous Angela Harding Diary to organize my blog planning, which I used for exactly one week in August. I bragged about my yellow planner in my September Reset. That one made it to November. Then (sigh)…they, too, joined the graveyard of unused planners.

It’s not that I don’t get how to use planners. Thousands of YouTube video channels dedicated to the planner and planning advice. Watched too many of them to count. Tens of thousands of pictures of them screaming creativity with their pages of hand lettering, ETSY stickers, washi tape, and glossy goals all over Instagram. Scrolled through them ‘til my finger cramped. I considered it time well spent. After all, what could be more fulfilling than creating your own organized, artistically-adorned life planner? The planner is the canvas for the perfect marriage of artistry and productivity. So why do I always end up in a quickie divorce with mine?

It hasn’t always been this way for me. When I was working, I had planning routines that drove my productivity in exactly the direction I wanted. As a teacher, my plan book was my second brain. That along with the Vermont Life Engagement Book I got for Christmas every year, kept me organized and focused. And later, when technology came into my life, Google Calendar became my planner of choice until my retirement. When I retired, I thought it would be fun to finally shift back to a paper planner. 5 Science-Backed Reasons Why Paper Planners Are Better Than Digital Planners and Calendars reports that paper planners are going strong, enjoying a huge resurgence. One of the scientific reasons for this, which is loosely based on some brain science, is that the paper planner is less distracting than its digital sisters. No pings or dings from a paper planner. And no screen time to alter your brain’s pathways. The physical act of writing has been shown to aid in memory. Writing in a paper planner may be more motivating. It appears that the language that we choose when committing things to paper has a tighter relationship to our thoughts than our personal shorthand used in a digital calendar, and that inspires us to “get er done.” Keeping a paper journal is stress therapy for many. And finally, using the paper planner as part of a routine (morning routine for most or a daily ritual) is a healthy habit, which can lead to other healthy habits. So, yes. I want all that. I left the digital planning behind when I retired because it felt like work. But there is, was, and has been a clear recalcitrance in my “retirement life” to follow through with a planner, and it seems to be spilling over into other areas (like writing a blog). I’ll be the first to admit that I struggle with any kind of authority, and for me the planner takes on a bit of an authority role in my life: “This is what you said you’d do, Linda. Now do it!” So, I guess the idea of a planner makes this old broad feel a bit rebellious. “Don’t fence me in, Planner. Turns out I DON’T actually want to do that on Tuesday.”

So what? What now? Despite my growing graveyard of planners, the idea, the “ideal” of keeping a planner is still mighty seductive for me. I still want the benefits: the productivity, the organization of thoughts and tasks, yada-yada-yada. Since it’s taken me weeks to frame and finish this post, I’ve given this a lot of thought. As I pushed that yellow planner from September around my writing desk like cold brussels sprouts on a plate, I came to some conclusions:

• My idea of “regular” will never be daily again with a planner. That was from my work life.

• It’s the practice of writing things down that lures me, but my own motivation to frame it into a daily plan is less reliable.

• I love planning to plan. Making the actual plan is less motivating to me.

• Once the vehicle for writing becomes A PLANNER, it’s almost certain it won’t actually be one for me.

So I think I have solved the planner problem. I have never struggled with writing in a notebook. I love a good notebook. I have filled up many notebooks with goals, ideas, lists, doodles, lettering, and taped-in pieces of paper. So, it’s pretty simple. I hereby turn my bright yellow dot grid planner into a NOTEBOOK. I can write in it after my Morning Pages or at night before I go to sleep or any old time of the day whenever I want. I do know this sounds like a bunch of nothing, folks. I get it. The Precious Days are far too precious to get stuck on something as simple as this, but sometimes that’s how I roll. And for all you Planner People out there, (and I know there are a heck of a lot of you — the last data I saw online from 2016 said there were $342.7 MILLION in planner sales) I will probably never stop envying and admiring your work. It’s not you, it’s me. 😉

For some fun bonus information on planners, check out The Daily Planner and its History.