The end-of-summer vibe

Warm, late August afternoons spent at the lake with a cold drink and a good book, soaking up the last rays of summer sun while looking across the sparkling water to an out-of-focus horizon has become a metaphor for what is to come in the days ahead. A cormorant, neck bent, head held high takes flight, soaring across my field of vision. I read once that the bird can be seen as a bad omen, a sign of storms to come. And indeed, that’s the other face of late August, a drop in temperature, a moody sky bringing cold drops of rain in the late morning that turn into a deluge by the afternoon. Time to put on a sweatshirt, make a cup of tea, and pull out the same book that kept me company on a lazy summer afternoon at the beach just a few days before. 

The end of summer and the transition into fall can be somewhat of a polarizing time for me. I want to spend as much time enjoying the last days of summer as I possibly can: coffee on the deck in the morning, beach trips, picnics, long walks around the neighborhoods, dinners outside, strolls around the garden soaking up color along with the afternoon warmth, a glass of wine at the picnic table. How sweet it is to do nothing much at all on a summer day except enjoy it. It’s hard to see that end. 

As much as I love to live “in season,” those late days of August that start with a chill and the sounds of neighborhood kids going back to school pull at a muscle memory that was in the making for decades for me in my profession: let’s get going! The end of summer was my “new year” as an educator. Those crisp days signaled brand new possibilities and projects and ushered in the unparalleled season of autumn with its brilliant foliage, apple orchards, pumpkin patches, and so many delights. The lazy days of summer serve as an almost spa-like recovery from long winters and dark days. In the summer, it’s okay to “just be”…but when fall rolls around, I want to “just do.”

How sweet it is…or is it?

That is kind of my ongoing dilemma in retirement. I worked really hard to be able to have time in my life to do nothing. Now I don’t mean that in a bad way. Just writing it makes me immediately self-critical. Doing nothing? Shameful. What I am talking about is something other cultures, cultures not so hung up on a Puritan work ethic, actually have names for that sound much more elegant than “doing nothing.”

The Italians call it "il dolce far niente." It translates to “the sweetness of doing nothing.” I first heard the phrase in an old episode of The Dick Van Dyke Show called “The Two Faces of Rob.” Rob Petrie calls his wife, Laura, puts on an Italian accent, calls himself Dr. Bellini, and tries to make a date with her. He shares the phrase, "il dolce far niente" with her, and she swoons. Spoiler alert, she knows it's him. But I remembered that phrase— poetic, seductive, beautiful. How sweet it would be to do nothing, the 9 to 5er thinks. And the Dutch also have a word for this concept of “doing nothing.” They call it “niksen.”  It, too, means to do nothing, but you actually can do many things you enjoy – you are just not doing them with “purpose.” You could  lounge around listening to music or drink a cup of tea while looking out the window – and for no reason at all except to just “be.”  The Japanese have a similar take with “boketto.” Whereas the Dutch would encourage the mind to wander, to daydream when doing nothing, the Japanese might describe the mind’s state as one of vacancy during boketto.

What all of these cultural concepts have in common is some very important “side effects.” They all reduce stress (with its many related benefits) and clear the mind, opening it up to greater opportunities for creativity and problem solving. Despite the benefits, the art of doing nothing is to actually not have a purpose in mind. It’s not about being productive – it’s about being. 

No Zero Days, meet my dear friend, Niksen

Whatever you choose to call “doing nothing,” being able to relax, to live a life of leisure to some extent, is what we dream will come with our retirement years. But just like I can’t turn off my “back to school” muscle memory as summer transitions into fall, I find it almost impossible to turn off the Western need to be productive, along with its kissin’ cousin, guilt. Recently after a 60 hour stretch of rain (yes, seriously) the art of doing nothing had completely overwhelmed me. Mercifully, I stumbled across a helpful Instagram post....scrolling isn’t a total waste of time. Catching up on posts from @goodcode, I came across his post on having no more Zero Days. I am probably really late to the party, but I had never heard of No Zero Days. He explained a zero day as a day when you don’t do anything toward a dream, a goal, or the things you value. Well, that’s not exactly “doing nothing.” Is it? 

Why does it have to be either/or (of course, it doesn’t). How could I possibly hold these opposites? I felt like I had hit upon a formula for an even happier retirement – integrating “doing nothing” with “no zero days.” That marriage could be quite the power couple if I could find a balance. And finding that balance might free me from the tentacles of this idea that I have to be productive or I’m lazy, and that if I am doing nothing too often, I am wasting time.  Now that’s about me, not any of you. I know many of you have made peace with “being AND doing,” but I tend to get tripped up on things like that. The IG guy points out that doing just one thing – yes even just one is “non zero.” Maybe I don't finish a blog post, but I write a few sentences or research one link. Maybe I don’t do a full workout, but I do a few minutes of stretching or pick up the weights for a while. Maybe I prep a cantaloupe so it's ready to go for breakfast the next day.  Maybe I text a friend, write out a card, or make a lunch date. Those little things bring me closer to the things I value, keep me from having a Zero Day, and leave room for “the sweetness of doing nothing.”  

I have to keep in mind that even with this integrated approach, my kryptonite is “overwhelm.” I can be as overwhelmed by my goals as I am by too much “down time.” But I think this could work – it’s not all or nothing. That’s a danger zone for me, too. This could help me avoid that. 

I’m not always in these odd states. They tend to happen during transitional times, which I struggle with. So I am always looking for solutions. Making space for “just being” – as an art– is just as important as feeling I’m spending my time “doing” the things that will honor my “three selves.” That’s another thing ABI Boumaida talks about in his IG post. We are the sum total of three selves: past self, present self, and future self, but we can honor them individually, too. Can’t do one thing for your present self? Then do it for your past self, who was working hard at forming a new habit. Got a lot on the plate coming up? Engage in “the sweetness of doing nothing” for a while for your future self. See, I think it could actually work, putting these two concepts of “doing nothing” and non-zero days together. That seems like a doable (be-able?) strategy for me to try that could enhance how I live The Precious Days. Because life is still full of transitions, the push-pull of the seasons, and relentlessness of time itself. A girl (especially this old girl) needs a plan.

I am aware I tend to overthink things (that’s a topic for another blog post). So what do you think? Have you found a satisfying balance between doing and being in your retirement life? Comment if you have some tips to share. 

To learn more about the art of doing nothing, here are three helpful links to explore:
IL DOLCE FAR NIENTE
NIKSEN
BOKETTO

To learn more about  NO ZERO DAYS, here are some interesting links to check out:
4 Rules that will Change your Life
No More Zero Days: A Productivity Framework for Achieving Goals