Stop Thieves! Give Me Back My Summer!
A PREFACE
A few months ago I was searching podcasts to see who had episodes discussing May Sarton. I stumbled upon a podcast on Spotify called “Time and Other Thieves.” I listened to the May Sarton episode and was hooked. The podcaster, Sarah B, describes her show as: “Reflections and conversations on the nature of existence.” It is that and so much more. Give her show a listen. If you are interested in writing, books, ideas, spirituality, metaphysics, and philosophy, just to name a few topics to twist yourself a Gordian knot (and BTW, that’s what I call living), then you’ll be hooked.
Initially what stopped me from continuing to scroll in my Spotify search wasn’t just making the May Sarton connection with Sarah B. It was the intriguing title of her podcast. I am sure Sarah B has explained its origin, and I apologize for not knowing. The only other place I had ever heard the line, “time and other thieves” was from the icon and goddess, Joni Mitchell, in a song from her album Hejira called “Furry Sings the Blues.” This version she did with The Band and Neil Young is extra meaningful to me.
That title of Sarah B’s podcast sent me down a rabbit hole, and I decided to start digging myself out in this post. Time, of course, is the guiltiest of perps in the identity parade of joy-sucks. We all recognize the associations: “not enough time,” “too much time on my hands,” “out of time,” “on borrowed time” … time is the culprit that steals joy, peace, hope, and intention, among other things. It’s almost too easy to blame time for everything that ails us. So I am going to give time a pass in this blog post. Take a seat, TIME…no one needs to hold your beer for this one.
MY OTHER THIEVES
There are other forces at work in my life right now, stealing snatches of my summer happiness just when it was starting to feel like The Precious Days were humming along. I consider these culprits to be more than thieves…they are robber barons who have been stealing from me for as long as I can remember. I don’t know why I thought they’d be magically exiled for this newest phase of my life. It has been hard work to keep them at bay over the decades. Clearly, it ain’t over ‘til it’s over.
Having an unprecedented unsettling summer due to excessive heat, fires impacting our air quality, so much rain, and catastrophic flooding has been like leaving the doors unlocked for the burglars. Being off my summer game has made me an easy mark. During this weird summer, my joy, peace, contentment, and “joie de vivre” have been temporarily poached. Self-doubt, comparison, and worry have shown up again. Maybe I should have been expecting them.
All three of these are related of course and each has a gang of emotionally draining accomplices waiting to be called in. My summer rituals and routines — which are so important to my mental health and happiness— never really got off the ground. By about mid-July, I felt I’d been ambushed by the old struggles. I know these struggles are not uncommon among the newly retired. But for me, they are pernicious. Every time I think I have come to terms with something, have let it go, and have moved onto a better place, I get a wake up call: “Is this Linda’s peace of mind? We just want her to know we’re still here.” I don’t know why I still haven’t learned that coping with these parts of me is not a linear process, with a beginning, middle, and end. These behaviors have been woven into my existence, and can be typically set off by environmental factors like too much heat, too much rain, dark days, etc. Factors, catalysts, triggers, disruptors, whatever you want to call them give these three behaviors opportunity and space to pillage my peace of mind. Lately, they are my other thieves.
Lately, self-doubt is pummeling me with questions and second-guesses, and attacking my confidence. Did I retire too soon? Have we saved enough? Am I prioritizing the right things? Do I have anything to offer as I continue to age? Is this blog even worth reading? Yada, yada, yada.
Lately, comparison to other bloggers has taken center stage with my insecurities. This is something I am doing to myself, clearly. I read so many other blogs that I am eager to read. They have tons of followers, lots of comments, and a signature style that is so appealing. I’m feeling stagnant. Inferior. Inadequate. Okay, jealous.
Lately, this summer worry has taken the form of obsessing about my health, from tiny pock marks that I imagine is skin cancer to an ache in my heel that results in some phantom doctor telling me I can’t go for long walks anymore. I worry about our house becoming too much for us. Should we fix everything this summer (oh, but the rain, the humidity)? Downsize? Leave it all to chance? I worry about the uncertainties of aging. And the news, of course. And climate change. Worry is robbing me of enjoying the occasional dry and comfortable day, when I should be enjoying a walk in the sun. Nuff said. I need to kick this thief to the curb, pronto.
Now here’s the intellectual part: the doubts, the comparisons, and the worries are not grounded in anything rational. Why so much self-doubt? I took my time to carefully think through the things I’m second guessing. Doubts are just thoughts. They are not facts. It’s unrealistic and a bit ridiculous to compare myself to bloggers who have been at it, working hard, through hundreds of posts. I am just starting out as a blogger. And worry…well, I know how to deal with that one. If I stay in the present moment and fine-tune my self-talk, worry loses its power. As the British say, “Cheer up. It may never happen.”
There’s nothing to pathologize here. “Lately” equates with temporary in my book. These behaviors are not abnormal. Naming them, thinking them through, and addressing them helps to fend them off. But I can’t be naive about this as The Precious Days accrue. These thieves are lurking in the shadows.
Optimism. I can’t leave this blog post without MacGyvering a plan. So here it is:
Reframe it. Reframe it all. I have strategies to think about things differently.
Listen to my husband (he’s a master at reframing). We are getting ready to do some summer travel. He said to think of it as our summer finally getting started. It’s an opportunity for a reset.
Intentionally create experiences that lead to the kind of summer feeling I am missing.
Use my Morning Pages to list intentions to set up the kind of day I want to have (see above).
Take an online blogging class this fall. I hear this one is really good.
I am still going to worry about climate change, but I can make a plan.
Pay more attention to what I am eating. That’s one remedy for almost anything that ails me (and the planet).
Again, I want to thank Sarah B for giving me so much to think about (and think through) just from the title of her podcast. The podcast itself is a chance to mine your own thoughts to whatever depths you choose to go. There are so many intriguing ideas, personal stories, deep questions — and all of it wrapped in her own unique voice and tied with a big bow of pure authenticity. Something I can only aspire to.
Do you have “thieves” that rob you of your peace? Your joy? What are some of your strategies for confronting them? I’d love for you to share in the comments.
I will be taking a break from Friday blogging (maybe the entire month of August) due to some happy travel plans. If you are subscribed, you can keep current about new posts via email. I also highlight new posts on my Instagram Account (@thepreciousdays).
Thanks for reading and commenting!
